


(not quite) Numb

by Optimist_Prime



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Crying Tony, Everyone Needs A Hug, Feels, Infinity War, Mr stark, Ouch, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Titan, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Whump, quotes, thanos - Freeform, this hurt to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 19:45:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14900819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Optimist_Prime/pseuds/Optimist_Prime
Summary: The stillness and quiet of a planet such as Titan can be overwhelming. Especially when one is alone after experiencing something one should never have to endure.Tony Stark finds this out the hard way.





	(not quite) Numb

**Author's Note:**

> This just popped into my head, and I wrote it down really quickly, so bare with me here. It may contain intense feelings and maybe a few tears, depending on the person.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, or anything within it. However, I do own my mistakes

The winds of Titan bit at Tony's skin, flushed as he looked down at the ashes below his feet. Despite the multiple suns beating down on him, the man felt a constant chill running through him. 

Shuddering and trembling, Tony blinked. There was a numbness inside him, a blank in his mind. Peter was dead. Blown away, his ashes coating his converse. But he did not feel anything. No guilt, regret, sadness; Not even a twinge of anger. Tony felt...nothing.

He ran a hand over his face, pulling his mouth down into a frown and kept his fingers at his chin. A light stubble was there, and Tony found that there was dust in it, on his face, caking his nails. It was not dust, though. They were the remains of _people_.

Tony looked over to where Strange had been sitting moments prior.

_"It was the only way..:"_

Stark scoffed. How could murdering everyone be the only way? How could this massacre be the solution to their problems? This destruction could not possibly be it. There is no doubt in Tony's mind that there was another way this could have gone. Some other way that it could go.

A buzzing started up in his ears. From what, he was not certain, all he knew was that the word go was hurting him in ways that were unexplainable. Why would _go_ cause so much pain?

Tony shifted position so that his arms rested on his legs. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled and stood up as the cool air wafted over him. The strange hero looked down at the ground with a shiver.

He froze, still in his place. It was almost as if everything came crashing down on Stark at once. 

He had fallen from space once before. When they were up against the Chatari in New York; The worm hole. God, that memory terrifies him to the core, sends chills up and down his spine. The thought of never seeing Pepper again, or Bruce, or any of his friends. Even Steve crossed his mind in that moment, the selfish bastard. But the mere idea of dying alone and cold in the abyss of space, surrounded by aliens sent to kill the race he loved so dearly? Tony never thought anything would terrify him more.

And now, here he sat. 

Before Tony would have sworn death was his greatest fear. That dying without saying goodbye, or never seeing his friends or family ever again was the most terrifying thought ever. 

Who would have guessed that living was even more horrifying?

Tony reached down shakily. His fingers brushed against the black sand that lie at his feet. 

_"Mr. Stark? I-I don't feel so good."_

Brown eyes burning, Stark blinked harshly. He had just stood there as they faded away. All of them, Tony just watched as their very essence floated away with the wind. Strange, Quill...

_"I don't want to go." Hands grasped at him, arms entangling themselves around his neck._

Tony clenched his fists, pushing them up against his watering eyes. He would not cry. Not now, not when the universe needed his help.

_There were stains on his shirt from tears. They fall freely onto him as fingers ball up in his shirt. He just stands there, calm and composed, rather confused as well. A thick blanket of nothingness covers him, an area of protection from any emotions. The grip tightens, and a plead rings out through the air, broken and splitting at the seams._

_"Please, Mr. Stark. I don't want to go..."_

A strangled sound makes its way out into the stale air of Titan. Slowly it grows from there to sharp and painful gasps of nothing but pure agony. It seemed that the abandoned planet had suddenly become quiet, a way to give silent remorse towards those who needed it; A sympathetic calling for its single inhabitant.

Tony shuddered, clawing at his already disheveled hair. As much as it hurt to look at the ashes, to feel as though someone was stabbing him in the heart, he could not close his eyes. He needed something to keep him grounded. Something to remember that Peter Parker ever existed, because he was terrified that he would forget, and he could not forget. Nothing in the world could make him forget that kid, but the raging of blood in his ears and the beat of his heart on that God forsaken planet could not help but make him think that something, someone would take that privilege away from him.

Tony found that air was becoming a difficulty. He tried and tried to make his lungs take in oxygen, but it just would not work. He wasn't sure if anything would ever work again. 

Sitting up straight, Stark looked into the distance of the planet, vision blurred. His head pounded and his mind ached. Tony's muscles convulsed from continuous shivers. 

Thanos had taken them. He had taken _Peter_ , the sweetest, funniest, smartest kid he had ever known and _killed_ him. He refused to think what had happened back on Earth, which of his loved ones had been taken away there. 

A shrill sense of regret and guilt and rage washed over Tony all at once. The adrenaline of it pushed him to stand, and Tony picked up the remains of his broken suit. 

He threw them. He threw it as far and as hard as he could make it, a scream breaking the still atmosphere.

Tony stopped. Everything seemed to stop in that moment, everything except for his chest, heaving up and down with short gasps in a desperate need for air. For a long time he just stood and breathed.

First came the left knee. It hit the ground with a thud. On the silenced planet it sounded like a thunder crack.

Second came the right knee. This was more gentle, like a slow descent from safety. His foot scraped across the rubble roughly.

Finally came the hands, both at once. The rocks and dirt scratched his bloodied palms. Fingers clawed their way into a fist, collecting the sediments underneath.

Tony dropped his head down between his arms and squeezed his eyes shut. This time the sting in his eyes was softer, simpler after such a hard fall. The warmth of it on his cheeks felt different; gentle, even.

Despite no one being there, Stark felt as though arms were wrapped around his waist. It was comforting, really. The hold on him was an unusual but reassuring feeling. Tony sighed out, shaky and heavy with the weight on his shoulders. A familiar voice whispered in his ear, clear as day but dark as night all together.

_"Catch you later, Mr. Stark."_

Tony gasped out a hoarse laugh. It held no joy, or content. There was nothing at all funny about the situation. Not even a silver lining as far as he could see.

Stark sniffed and sat up into a sitting position. Slowly but surely his eyes closed, and his shoulders slumped in defeat. The chilly air of Titan whipped at his clothes, and dried the remaining perspiration on his face.

Tony did not feel numb. That was exactly the problem. It was not nothing he felt. It was everything.


End file.
